Purple Walker Diaries: Latest Health Update!

As Sheryl Crow says, “Every day is a winding road.” Lately, my life has felt more like a rollercoaster with all its ups, downs, and unexpected turns. There’s nothing particularly special about my rollercoaster, but it’s mine, and maybe parts of it will resonate with others.

A month ago, some of you saw the videos of me jogging down the hall with my physical therapist or walking briskly with Dave. It might have looked like I was suddenly cured. And yes, those were wonderful milestones. But there was a lot you didn’t see.

You didn’t see that after ten minutes of jogging with PT Monica (and wearing ankle weights to feel more grounded) I went home and collapsed for the rest of the day. You didn’t see me lose my balance or watch my right leg go numb and give out during those “brisk” walks. And you definitely didn’t see the filming session we had to throw out because I looked thoroughly stoned. (For the record, I was not.)

Anyway, that has been my reality; real progress mixed with continuing problems.

Then came setbacks I didn’t see coming. My neurologist warned me there would be ups and downs and told me not to get discouraged. I didn’t exactly understand what he meant then, but now I do.

The last two weeks were rough because my balance, mobility, and energy all took a nosedive. I felt like I’d slid backwards, and it hit me hard emotionally. I even had to use my cane when I went to lunch with my brother for his birthday. He’s almost a decade older than me and was delighted to be the faster one. I was NOT delighted.

But fast‑forward to this week, and things have been a smidge better. This morning I woke up feeling genuinely good, with only the usual suspects hanging around: numb, cold feet and shins, occasional balance glitches, janky right leg, numbness in the nethers, and slow starts. Still, it made all the difference in my attitude. I happily soaked in the spring blossoms and crisp air around me. I’m tired this afternoon, but it’s nothing like the brain‑sucking fatigue of yesterday. Maybe tomorrow I’ll fall down a hole again or maybe my birthday weekend will be tip top. Only the winding road knows.

So what’s the takeaway from all this babbling? Firstly, it’s okay to feel and deal with whatever feelings come up. I am sad that my unreliable right leg and foot don’t allow me to drive, and there are times that the inability to jump in the car and go make me crazy. My sensations required for intimacy have taken a hit (somebody should pay dearly for that) and it is no small matter. My grandparents lived well into their nineties, and never lost their mobility. I’ll likely have that same longevity, but I’m full of worry that my thirty plus more years will see me still struggling from this injury, and I hate that. We are all allowed to feel depressed, down, tired, grumpy, sad, and whatever else our situations call for. Sometimes life sucks, and that’s just the way it is.

Secondly, days like today remind me that there are ups to do along with the downs. They nudge me to be mindful of others who are not having a good day (or week, or year). I become hopeful that the next bad stretch will find me weathering it more gracefully like a pale but serene Victorian heroine and less like a gloomy, crabby crone. One can only hope.

I also need to keep expressing my gratitude to my husband and daughter for their patience and care, so they don’t send me to the glue factory.

My winding‑road life and rollercoaster health may never be what they once were. I have no choice but to deal with that, and I will–as long as there are sweet grandsons in this world and M&Ms in my mouth.