Wilder, Brighter, Braver: How to Take Up Space and Stay Visible as You Age
Embracing the wisdom of your years and refusing to fade into the wallpaper.
How do we unlock the power of our years? How do we empower our own gaze now that we are no longer the primary recipients of society’s attention? For many, aging feels like a slow descent into invisibility, but it doesn't have to be that way.
The Reality of Invisibility
Much of Western culture is obsessed with youth and youthful beauty. When we reach a certain age, we can feel as though we’ve become less valuable. I remember waiting at a cafeteria where the server ignored me to focus on a vibrant woman in her twenties. I wasn’t looking for a flirtation with Mr. peach fuzz mustache; I was simply hungry and wanted my food. I was irritated that my perceived invisibility was a barrier to basic customer service.
Another time, a doctor looked me in the eye but couldn't hear what I was saying. He spoke to my daughter instead, as if I were incapable of speaking for myself. I should have slumped over in a half faint and then jumped up and said “gotcha” to shame him for making assumptions.
If you have ever felt unseen, ignored, or unvalued because of your age, you are not alone.
The Unexpected Freedom of Anonymity
While the transition to invisibility can be frustrating, it also brings a set of surprising benefits that must not be overlooked:
Freedom from Unwanted Attention: I find I don’t miss catcalls or lecherous leering in the direction of my butt or bosom.
Unbothered Independence: Whether sitting in a park, exploring a new city, or even shopping, one can engage with the surroundings without being bothered or interrupted.
Increased Personal Safety: For many, being less "visible" in a traditional sense translates to a greater sense of security and ease when navigating public spaces. Less chance of being kidnapped for unsavory purposes.
Maintaining Mystery: Invisibility offers the chance to maintain an air of mystery. One could be an international spy or secret assassin, and the masses would never know.
The End of an Ego: As the youthful facade fades, our egos die a natural death. Without the burden of ego, we can develop a true, mature, and untethered self.
Finding the Power in Aging
Society may want to ignore us, but who cares? They aren’t the boss of us. If we are sixty plus and live to ninety plus, we still have a full third of our life ahead! This is the time when we have more wisdom and experience than ever before. Why should we shrink when we have decades of thriving left to do?
There is a hidden strength in this stage of life. As Laura Pritchett once wrote, If we let go of that desire to be desired, not only do we avoid suffering, but we transform into a creature that is wilder, brighter and braver. As they say, we can “get better, not bitter” with age. We can, in fact, become wise elders.
Practical Steps to Stay Visible
If you’re like my husband, you want action steps and not flowery prose. So here is how we can continue to shine and take up space in the world:
Rediscover your Identity: Figure out who you are in this new stage. Your past roles don't define you—your current passions, talents, and dreams do.
Communicate with Confidence: Practice clear communication. Set boundaries and insist on being heard, especially in professional or medical settings.
Own Your Age: Don’t hide your years. Embracing your age makes you more approachable, authentic, and boosts your self-assurance.
Develop Personal Style: Choose clothing and grooming that reflect who you are today. Authenticity is what truly makes you stand out. Throw society’s rules out.
Cultivate Charisma: Your body language and smile are the keys to your authenticity. Being at ease with yourself makes you more engaging to others.
Show Up and Participate: Volunteer, join groups, or start projects. Visibility comes from active participation and sharing your story.
Practice Self-Worth Daily: Celebrate your wisdom and resilience. Your value is not tied to youth, but to the incredible person you have become.
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